User:Effgeh/Hurley's dude quotes season 2

[Hurley & Kate standing near the hatch.]

HURLEY: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. 4, 8, we're dead, 15, doomed and dead, 16, 23, 42...

KATE: Hurley, you okay?

HURLEY: Huh? Yeah, awesome. I just have to pee. Great idea, dude, go look into the burning death hole.

[Kate, Jack, and Locke peering into the hatch.]

[Jack and Hurley walking back to the caves.]

HURLEY: You should go ahead, man -- don't want Locke making time with your girl. [Jack shoots him a look] Joke, dude.

HURLEY: What's that thing where doctors make you feel better just by talking to you?

JACK: Bedside manner.

HURLEY: Yeah, that. Yours sucks, dude.

[Hurley playing fetch with Vincent at the beach. Then he runs to help Sayid who's lugging a crate along the beach. People are setting up camp back at the beach.]

HURLEY: Dude, I've got to say, I didn't think we were going to get through the night. And I wasn't even here for that baby stealing part.

SAYID: I can assure you it was very exciting.

[Back in the hatch Locke looks like he's crying. We hear Kate's voice.]

KATE: Jack! Jack! [entering] John.

[Hurley and Sayid enter.]

HURLEY: Dude.

SAYID: What is this place?

[Sayid hits the computer's on switch and it turns on.]

...

LOCKE: There was a code. He made me enter it.

HURLEY: What code?

SAYID: Do you remember what it is?

LOCKE: 4, 8...

HURLEY: Wait a minute...

LOCKE: 15, 16...

HURLEY: Dude, I'm serious, stop.

LOCKE: Hugo, this is not the time or the place.

HURLEY: Yeah, well, I think it is.

[A needle lands on a record. Hurley is in the food storage area eating candy, chips, cereal, a steak, and ice cream. Suddenly Jin appears.]

JIN: Hi there, Hurley.

HURLEY: Jin, you're here.

JIN: I sure am.

HURLEY: Dude, you speak English.

HURLEY: Well, I guess it's kind of like a bunker, you know, from WWII, only newer.

CHARLIE: What's in it?

HURLEY: I don't know.

CHARLIE: But somehow you know it's a bunker?

HURLEY: Well, I guess someone told me.

CHARLIE: You're going to lie to me? You're going to lie to the baby?

HURLEY: Dude, look, I'd never lie.

[Hurley finds the bunker entrance and he and Rose go inside.]

ROSE: Someone actually lived down here?

HURLEY: Uh-huh.

ROSE: What is it for?

HURLEY: It's kind of a long story.

JACK [entering]: Hurley? Who else did you tell?

HURLEY: No one. I swear. Dude, it's a big job. I needed help.

[Randy plays a tape which shows Hurley reading and eating a piece of chicken.]

RANDY: You owe the company for an 8 piece dark meat combo.

HURLEY: I didn't eat 8 pieces!

RANDY: You want to watch the whole tape? Oh, and while you're here, how many times do I have to tell you those napkins cost money, alright? It's two per customer -- two. We not made of money here at Mr. Clucks, Reyes. I'm not made of money. Are you made of money? Because if you're made of money -- maybe you don't want to work here. So get it together. What -- is that a problem, Reyes?

HURLEY: Dude, I quit.

[FLASHBACK to Johnny and Hurley stealing garden gnomes.]

JOHNNY: Be careful.

HURLEY: Dude, I am!

...

[They get in the van and then are in someone else's yard.]

JOHNNY: This is genius.

HURLEY: A little to the left, dude, and more of an angle.

[Someone opens the front door of a house.]

RANDY: Hey!

JOHNNY: Run!

[They take off in the van and leave Randy standing in his driveway in his underwear. The camera pans to the lawn to reveal the gnomes have been used to spell out the words "Cluck You" on the lawn.]

JOHNNY [yelling out the van window]: Freedom!

HURLEY [laughing]: Dude, what are you doing?

JOHNNY: Freedom! So, anything else you want to do tonight -- you better let me know now -- because our day off is just about over, Huggy Bear. In about 10 hours we going to have to find ourselves some new employment. I hear Pizza Bin is hiring, or we could try our luck at Gyro-Rama. But I do kind of dig the chick who works at the Bin.

HURLEY: Dude, promise me something.

JOHNNY: Okay, what?

HURLEY: Promise me that no matter what happens, we'll never change -- this will never change.

[FLASHBACK to Hurley and Johnny pulling into a gas station. There's a news crew interviewing the sales clerk.]

JOHNNY: Why is there a news crew here?

HURLEY: Dude, we shouldn't go here. Dude, let's go, they jack the prices here.

JOHNNY [getting out of the van]: Maybe somebody got shot.

HURLEY: Come on, Jack. The inventory's done, this is the only way.

JACK: Are you serious?

HURLEY: Dude, there's enough food in there to feed 1 guy, 3 meals a day for another 3 months. We have 40 people, it's just not going to work. You put me in charge, this is what we're doing.

JACK [nodding]: Okay.

...

[Montage of Hurley giving peanut butter to Charlie and passing out food; Locke sharing a tin; Shannon sharing with Vincent; Kate and Jack laughing and eating; baby smiling and Charlie giving the peanut butter to Claire; people patting Hurley on the back; Charlie and Hurley hugging; Sun burying the bottle of messages. Then scenes of Jin, Sawyer, Michael; others talking in the background.]

[Hurley and Sun sitting nearby Vincent, watching him.]

...

SUN: Hurley, this is ridiculous. Waiting here for... the dog did not eat my ring.

HURLEY: Dude, dogs will eat anything. When I was a kid, my dog, Buster -- I had this drawer where I'd throw in all my change, right -- and I guess there were some Smarties in there -- so, like, the next day, Buster craps out a $1.35 in nickels. [Sun doesn't respond.] Did you ever own a dog?

[Something drops out of the sky into the water trough Jack was using to fill his bottle. Jack grabs it, and finds it's a golf ball.]

HURLEY: Past the hanging tree, double or nothing.

KATE: You sure?

HURLEY: Dude, double or nothing, there's no way you're hitting it that far.

[Kate and Hurley finish their conversation and Hurley walks toward Sun and Jin.]

SUN: Hello, Hurley.

HURLEY: Hey. Cool hat, dude. [Jin smirks]

SUN: Is Kate alright?

HURLEY: Uh, yeah. I guess Michael took off.

JIN [subtitled]: What's he saying?

SUN: What do you mean he took off?

HURLEY: He stole some guns and he went all commando. He said he was going after Walt. Later dudes, gotta get to the hatch.

CHARLIE: Do you think Claire's missed me yet?

HURLEY: Dude, it's been a day.

SAYID [entering]: This music is quite depressing.

HURLEY: We can change it, dude. Ever hear of Geronimo Jackson?

[We see Hurley and Sawyer playing cards on the beach.]

HURLEY: Stick? I don't know, dude. Don't you need 21? I think you should hit.

We see Sayid shucking coconut husks on a stake. Hurley approaches.]

...

HURLEY: So, I'm over at Rose and Bernard's tent -- did you know he's a dentist? Well, that's not all he's been holding out on us. The guy picked up Boone's signal from the Norwegian plane.

SAYID: Nigerian.

HURLEY: Right. Anyhow, he picked it up with this. [Hurley holds up a radio]

SAYID: That is a short wave radio. It's a glorified walkie-talkie.

HURLEY: Yeah, but can't you switch a blue wire with a red wire -- make it stronger.

SAYID: We tried to send a signal with the plane's transceiver and all we got was the French women's transmission on a loop. Why would I bother?

HURLEY: Come on, man, it's worth...

SAYID: It's worth nothing. It's a waste of time.

HURLEY: Just trying to cheer you up, dude.

RADIO [with spotty reception]: That was the old classic Just A-Sittin' and A-Rockin' by Duke Ellington and his Orchestra, featuring Cootie Williams on the trumpet. Up next on WXR, the Glenn Miller Orchestra with Moonlight Serenade.

[The song begins to play with good reception.]

HURLEY: Whoa, you hear how clear that is? It's got to be close, right?

SAYID: Radio waves at this frequency bounce off the ionosphere. They can travel thousands of miles. It could be coming from anywhere.

HURLEY: Or, anytime. Just kidding, dude.

[We see Sawyer walking through the jungle looking for the frog. He comes across Hurley who's dipping a chip in some Dharma ranch dressing.]

...

SAWYER [uncovering the rest of the food]: Well, well, look at who's got a secret stash?

HURLEY: Please, dude, you can't tell.

SAWYER: What, that you stole food from the group? Now why would I want to do that?

HURLEY: Come on, man, please?

SAWYER [hearing the frog]: Son of a bitch.

[Sawyer looks around for the frog while putting his hand on the gun in his waistband.]

HURLEY: Dude, it's just a tree frog.

[Hurley and Sawyer walking through the jungle. We hear the sound of the tree frog.]

SAWYER: Where is it?

HURLEY: There it is.

[Hurley runs toward it, but trips and falls. Sawyer catches it.]

SAWYER: Gotcha.

HURLEY: Dude, nice catch.

...

[Sawyer squishes the frog in his hand.]

HURLEY: Dude.

[We see Sun walking stealthily through the jungle. She stops and pulls out the pregnancy test. Suddenly Hurley appears holding a partially eaten Apollo bar. Sun quickly hides the test behind her back.]

HURLEY: Hey, Sun. Look what I found in the middle of the jungle. It's not even melted or nothing. Crazy, huh? You want to split it?

SUN: No. No, thank you. I was just heading to the beach.

HURLEY: Okay, well, later, dude.

[We see Hurley arranging things at his shelter. Jack approaches.]

JACK: Hurley, you seen Ana-Lucia?

HURLEY: She took off into the jungle with Charlie and Sayid yesterday.

JACK: Yesterday -- they say anything about where they were going?

HURLEY: Well, that would, like, assume that anyone actually tells me anything. Maybe if I were in the loop I could be more helpful.

JACK: There is no loop, Hurley.

...

HURLEY [exiting]: Loop, dude, loop.

[We see Hurley, Sawyer, and Kate playing poker on the beach.]

...

[Hurley's unsure of what to do, and looks toward Kate.]

KATE: Don't look at me.

JACK [entering]: Lay 'em down, Hurley. He's got you beat.

HURLEY: Dude, I got a killer hand, here.

[We see Hurley, Kate, Sawyer and Jack playing cards at the beach. There is a big pile of fruit on the ground between Jack and Sawyer.]

HURLEY: Dude, you got me.

KATE: I'm out.

SAWYER: Think you're in my head, Doc?

JACK: You've still got 3 papayas -- call or fold.

SAWYER: Well, you're in trouble now, Cool Hand. Pocket queens makes me the set. [he chuckles]

JACK [showing his cards]: King's wired.

HURLEY: Whoa, dude.

[We see Hurley playing Connect 4 with Lenny.]

LENNY: 4, 8, 15... [he repeats the numbers over and over throughout the scene]

HURLEY: Uh, dude.

[Hurley tilts the pills into his mouth.]

DR. BROOKS: Okay, well fine. See you later guys, thanks for the photo op.

[Brooks exits. Hurley turns to Dave and sticks his tongue out, showing that he didn't take the pills.]

DAVE: Dude.

HURLEY: Dude.

[We see Bernard on the beach with a group gathered around.]

BERNARD: Okay, 2 months we've been on this island -- 2 months. And already we have a water trough, and we've got a food pantry. And people are taking showers in your hatch. Have you forgotten that we all crashed on this island? It's like none of you want to go home again.

CLAIRE: How can you say that? Of course we want to go home.

BERNARD: Well, then why aren't we doing anything about it?

HURLEY: Dude, we, like, built a raft. But it got blown up.

[At the beach we see Bernard dragging a pile of rocks toward a small group of people there.]

BERNARD: What happened to everybody? Where's Craig? Where's Frogurt? [no one responds] Okay, alright, moving on. We're going to put this sign across this entire beach which means the letters have to be really big -- about 40 feet. These black rocks will get maximum contrast with the sand.

HURLEY: Dude, we're, like, going to need a lot more rocks.

[Back on the island, Hurley approaches Sayid who's digging near the tents.]

HURLEY: Dude, nice hole.

SAYID: What is it, Hurley?

HURLEY: Hey, man, remember that radio we made? I'm thinking maybe I could get it to play some music. You know, for Libby.

SAYID: Well, it worked only once and then just for a minute. I've tried several times since and only gotten static.

HURLEY: Here's the thing -- even that would be good -- because then Libby would be like, "it's the thought that counts" -- and I'll score major points. Especially when she sees me holding it over my head.

SAYID: And why would you hold a static generating radio over your head?

HURLEY: They didn't have Say Anything in Baghdad? It's awesome. This dude, like, gets his boom box and he holds it over his head outside this chick's window and he plays some Peter Gabriel song for her and bam, the girl's, like, his. I mean, after her dad goes to jail. But then he gets her.

[We see Hurley and Libby walking through the jungle.]

HURLEY: Watch your head. Almost there.

LIBBY: You ever watch the Flintstones?

HURLEY: Sure, I used to watch it all the time when I was in the hospital -- when I broke my hip.

LIBBY: Well, did you ever notice how Fred would run by the same thing over and over again? [she stops and points] Third time past this tree.

HURLEY: Uh, that's a different tree.

LIBBY: Hurley, it's okay if you're lost.

HURLEY: Dude, I'm not lost. Will you trust me? [Hurley starts walking again] We're right about to walk on the most excellent secret beach on the island, and -- surprise!

[We see Hurley and Kate digging the graves. Michael approaches.]

...

MICHAEL: We're leaving first thing tomorrow -- back across the island to their camp.

KATE: Okay.

MICHAEL [to Hurley]: What about you, man? You coming with us?

HURLEY: Why would I want to go?

MICHAEL: Because they killed her!

KATE: Michael, come on.

MICHAEL: What do you say, Hugo?

HURLEY: I'm sorry about Walt, dude. But I'm not coming.

[We see Jack and company walking through the jungle.]

SAWYER: So, these Others, you think they're left over from the DHARMA folk?

MICHAEL: I don't know, man.

SAWYER: My theory, they're aliens. That's why they use the fake beards—their heads are made of pathetic.

HURLEY: Prosthetic, dude.