User:Effgeh/Hurley's dude quotes season 1

[Sound of metal. Jack looks up to see a big piece of metal high up (the wing) on some of the wreckage starting to wobble. Claire and Hurley are right under where it would fall. Jack runs over to them. ]

JACK [as he's running]: Move! Move! Move! Get her up! Get her out of there! The wing!

[Jack, Hurley, and Claire run out of way as there is a huge explosion. A big piece of burning debris lands near Charlie.]

JACK [to Claire]: You okay?

CLAIRE: Yeah.

JACK [to Hurley]: You? [Hurley sort of nods lying on the ground]. Stay with her.

HURLEY: Dude, I'm not going anywhere.

[Shot of Jin offering urchin to Hurley.]

HURLEY: What's that? What, that? Eat that? [laughs] Dude. Dude. I'm… starving… But, I'm nowhere near that hungry. [laughs] No. No. No, thank you! No way, no. [laughs]

[Shot of Jack and Hurley with Marshal Mars getting ready to take out the shrapnel.]

...

HURLEY: Yeah. But… I'm not so good around blood.

JACK: Just do the best you can. Okay? Don't look.

HURLEY: Okay [looks like he's praying or something, mumbling something to himself].

[Jack pulls the shrapnel out.]

HURLEY: Dude.

JACK: Hand me those strips.

HURLEY: Dude.

...

[Hurley passes out on the Marshal]

[Hurley picks up the mug shot of Kate.]

HURLEY: What's this? Uh, dude? Uh. . . [Jack grabs the mug shot] What do you think she did?

JACK: It's none of my business.

HURLEY: She looks pretty hard core.

[Shot of Hurley running on the beach toward the infirmary Jack has made.]

HURLEY: Dude, dude, they're back.

[Shot of Sayid with a group gathered around him on the beach.]

JACK: What's going on?

HURLEY: Jethro here's hoarding the last of the peanuts.

SAWYER: My own stash. I found it in there.

JACK: What about the rest of the food?

HURLEY: There is no rest of the food, dude. We kind of -- ate it all.

[Shot of Hurley and Charlie in the surf trying to fish with a stick with a piece of airplane shrapnel.]

CHARLIE: Did you get it?

HURLEY: Dude, quit asking me that.

...

CHARLIE: Can I have a go?

HURLEY: Knock yourself out. Here comes one. Put your weight into it. Now, you see it? Wait for it, wait. . . now. [Charlie lunges and misses]. Dude, you've got to try to pin it.

Sun is pointing to her watch and saying something in Korean.]

SAYID: The cuffs stay on.

SAWYER: A little louder, Omar. Maybe then she'll understand you.

HURLEY [entering]: Guys, that Chinese dude is going to get pretty crispy out here. How long are you going to keep him tied down like that?

SAYID: He tried to kill Michael. We all saw it. The cuffs stay on until we know why.

[We see Charlie playing guitar. Charlie notices Charlie Hurley and Jack carrying luggage into the caves.]

HURLEY: Dude, what's in these things, cinderblocks?

JACK: I packed everything I thought might be useful here without leaving the others shorthanded.

[Shot of Hurley walking into the caves carrying a guitar.]

HURLEY: Hey, dude. This yours?

CHARLIE: Oh yeah. You're probably wondering because I play bass in Driveshaft. I wrote a bunch of tunes on that -- You, All, Everybody.

[Then the cave caves in.]

...

HURLEY: Jack, Jack can you hear me?

CHARLIE: I don't know what happened. We were just talking and it -- and it came down on us -- all happened so fast.

HURLEY: Dude, we gotta get help. Charlie, go down to the beach and get help.

[Shot of people moving rocks. Michael struggling at the opening, then something gives.]

MICHAEL: Hey, we're through, we got a hole.

HURLEY: Jack? Jack? Can you hear me, Jack? Come on dude, answer me.

[Jin is speaking in Korean.]

HURLEY: Dude, we don't understand Chinese.

MICHAEL: Korean, man. They're Korean.

[Jack and Charlie enter. Kate gives Jack a huge hug.]

JACK: Ow, easy, my shoulder, careful.

HURLEY: How'd you get out?

JACK: Charlie, Charlie found a way out.

HURLEY: Dude, you rock.

[Shot of Hurley getting some water from the spring. He gives water to Charlie and Jack.]

HURLEY [to Charlie]: Dude, you feeling okay? You look a little. . .

JACK: Flu. He's got the flu.

[Shot of Charlie and Hurley walking in the jungle.]

HURLEY: Food from the plane's been gone for over a week, dude.

CHARLIE: What, no secret stash for emergencies? You and Jack have got a bunch of stuff in that cave.

...

HURLEY: I have no food, alright? And for the record, I'm down a notch in my belt. I'm a big guy, it's going to be a while before you're going to want to give me a piggy back ride, okay?

CHARLIE: Sorry. Sorry, that was bad form.

HURLEY: Yeah. I'm used to it.

CHARLIE: So, not even a bag of. . .

HURLEY: Dude. . .

CHARLIE: Okay. Alright, I'm sorry.

[Shot of Jack doctoring a redshirt.]

HURLEY: Try to keep your mind off it? What else has that guy got to do but stress?

JACK: I've got enough on my plate without having to treat hypochondriacs.

HURLEY: Yeah, but that's like my point, man. We're all fried. I'm mean, have you taken a look at everybody out there? Everybody's way tense. Dude, I'm just saying, it'd be sweet if we could have, I don't know, something to do.

[Shot of Hurley digging through luggage.]

...

HURLEY [opening a bag]: Whoa, dude.

[Hurley sees Michael holding a long stick.]

HURLEY [to Michael]: Dude, can I borrow this?

JACK: Hurley, what are you doing?

[Hurley just laughs.]

[Shot of plateau on mountain.]

HURLEY: Welcome, to the first and hopefully last, Island Open.

...

HURLEY: Rich idiots fly to tropical islands all the time to whack balls around.

MICHAEL: All the stuff we've got to deal with, man -- this is what you've been wasting your time on?

HURLEY: Dudes, listen. Our lives suck. Everyone's nerves are stretched to the max. I mean, we're lost on an island, running from boars and monsters -- freakin' polar bears.

[Shot of golf course.]

CHARLIE: Ugh!

HURLEY: Dude, I think he stuck it.

...

CHARLIE [hugging Hurley from behind]: You want to -- let me.

HURLEY: Dude, get away from me.

CHARLIE: Guys, please. I've never made par on a course before.

[He takes his shot and misses.]

HURLEY: Dude, you were robbed.

...

HURLEY: 5 bucks says he sinks it.

CHARLIE: Hey, you're betting against me?

HURLEY: Sorry, dude, but you're a duffer like me.

HURLEY: Lance. Your name's Lance, right?

ETHAN: Ethan.

HURLEY: Dude, that's right. Lance is the little skinny guy with the glasses and red hair.

ETHAN: I can see how you'd confuse us.

HURLEY: Sorry, dude. Lot's of names and faces. It's pretty pathetic, huh? You'd think after a couple of weeks on the island with the same people, we'd all know each other.

...

HURLEY: Great, where are you from Ethan Rom?

ETHAN: Ontario.

HURLEY: Right on, love Canada, great. Uh, well that should do it; thanks for your time, dude.

HURLEY: I hear you have the flight manifest, and I need it, and I want you to give it to me.

SAWYER: That so?

HURLEY: Now, you could do what you normally do when someone asks for something -- tell me to screw off.

SAWYER: Screw off?

HURLEY: Or, you could just give it to me - - because, dude, you could use the points.

[Shot of Hurley and Walt playing Backgammon on the beach.]

...

WALT: Need a 4-3. [Walt then takes forever to roll]

HURLEY: Dude, would you please roll?

WALT [rolling a 4-3]: Yes.

HURLEY [off camera]: Yo, Boone. Question for you, dude.

BOONE: Yeah.

HURLEY: You and Locke are going out hunting boar everyday, right?

BOONE: What about it?

HURLEY: That's cool, except, how come you're not coming back with any? We haven't had fresh pork on a plate in about a week, dude.

JACK: What's the matter?

HURLEY: Well, it's kind of like, uh, my stomach. I've been having some, um, major digestive issues.

...

JACK: Well, it might help if you had a little bit more protein in your diet.

HURLEY: Dude, what can I do? There's no boar. No boar, no protein.

...

JACK [pointing to the leaves Hurley's been picking]: You're not eating those, are you?

HURLEY: Dude, these aren't for eating. Excuse me.

HURLEY [off camera at first]: Dude, did you find your own bag? That's awesome, man.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

...

MICHAEL [pointing at the papaya and the knife Hurley has taken out]: Hey, you mind if I, uh. . .

HURLEY [handing over the papaya and knife]: Knock yourself out. You want to wish something on your worst enemy? Hope they step on a sea urchin. [Jin walks up and holds out a fish to Hurley.] Oh hey, thanks. Dude, has this thing already been cleaned? Are you kidding me?

MICHAEL: Hey, Jack, you see my boy when you were out there?

JACK: No, he was at the caves.

MICHAEL: Yeah, he took his dog for a walk. I told him to stay close, as usual. You listened to your old man when you were 10, right?

JACK: Uh, yeah, I listened. Maybe a little too well.

HURLEY [off camera at first]: Yo, dudes. Got a new tourney lined up. We're playing for the last of the deodorant sticks. You dogs up for some golf?

[Shot of Michael sitting looking at a book. Hurley approaches.]

HURLEY: Uh, dude? Your kid's gone.

MICHAEL: What?

HURLEY: He just grabbed the dog and took off.

HURLEY: You sure it wasn't an accident? I mean, maybe the guy just drowned or something.

KATE: His neck was broken, his arms, all the bones in his fingers.

HURLEY: Yeah, okay. Got it.

SAWYER [entering]: Guess old Steve drew the short straw.

HURLEY: Dude, that was Scott.

[Shot of the ocean, pan over to Hurley and Charlie.]

CHARLIE: Hurley, look, I appreciate the help. You don't have to. I killed Ethan, I can bury him.

HURLEY: Yeah, 'til he rises from the dead. Dude, I know how this works. This is going to end with you and me running through the jungle screaming crying. He catches me first because I'm heavy and I get cramps.

[Shot of Jin hitting rocks at the golf course.]

HURLEY [entering]: You should try sea urchin. They've got more ping. Hey, so listen, I know things got kind of nasty down there at the beach, and, um, I don't want to get involved in husband and wife stuff, but I figured, you know, you might need to relax. [He has two fishing poles.] So. . . [Jin looks over and then ignores Hurley.] C'mon, dude, I'm trying here. Okay, you want to be an outsider? It's your business.

SAYID: Absolutely not.

JACK: I'm not asking you to go. I'll do it.

SAYID: No, you won't.

HURLEY: Dude, we just trying to. . .

SAYID: Do you really think she would give up something she needs for survival to a total stranger?

JACK: All I'm asking is for you to tell me how to find her. That's it.

SAYID: I was brought unconscious to her camp. When I escaped I was disoriented. I don't know how to find her.

HURLEY: Don't know, dude? Or don't want to?

SAYID: Why are you suddenly so interested in Rousseau?

HURLEY: I'm not -- just, you know, making conversation, dude. Sorry if it's a bad time. Goodnight.

[Shot of Hurley and his family outside their house talking to a group of reporters.]

...

HURLEY: Oh yeah, okay, um, this patch of beauty is my mom, Carmen. Come here, mom. And this is my brother, Diego and his wife, Lisa.

DIEGO: Woo! We're rich!

HURLEY: Nice, dude. Ignore him, he's an idiot. And, uh, oh, you've got to know this guy. This is the greatest guy I know, my, my, my grandpa, Tito. He's worked 3 jobs for -- how long has it been now?

CHARLIE: You going somewhere?

HURLEY: Me? No. Well, yeah. Just thought I might take a walk. Uh, maybe scope out some new fishing area.

CHARLIE: Oh, hang on, I'll come with.

HURLEY: That's okay.

CHARLIE: No, I could use a little bit of the fresh wide open.

HURLEY: Dude, I could really use some alone time right now.

KEN: The winning numbers. What'd you use somebody's birthday, phone number?

HURLEY: No, it's nothing, it's something that I...

KEN: What?

HURLEY: That's it. It's not the money, it's the numbers. The numbers are cursed. Dude, don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy. This is real.

[Hurley notices a guy climbing a ladder to change a light bulb.]

NURSE: I'm sorry, but if you can't tell me the patient's name, sir, I can't very well look it up.

HURLEY: How many Leonards are here? Can't you just type in Leonard? I mean, the guy's been here for, like, ever. He knows me.

NURSE: Our records are private, sir. If. . .

HURLEY [to the ladder guy]: Dude. Do not do that right now. Leave the bulb for another time, man. [to the nurse] 5 minutes. All I need is 5 minutes.

[Hurley starts walking across the bridge.]

JACK: Hurley, what are you doing?

HURLEY: Relax, I'm just going to check it out. You guys should stay here.

JACK: Hurley, get back here.

HURLEY: Dudes, chill.

...

[Charlie starts walking across and the bridge starts collapsing.]

JACK: Charlie!

[Charlie barely makes it to the other side.]

HURLEY: Dude, you okay?

CHARLIE: I'm okay. Woo!

CHARLIE: Do you even know where we're going?

HURLEY: The blast sounded like it came from this way. I think.

CHARLIE: You don't know.

HURLEY: Dude, what do you want from me?

CHARLIE: What do I want? I want to know what we're doing in the middle of nowhere? And don't tell me it's because of some stinking batteries. One minute you're happy-go-lucky, good time Hurley and the next you're Colonel-bloody-Kurtz. It just doesn't make any sense. It's not you.

HURLEY: Dude, you don't know me.

CHARLIE: Well, all this time on the island, you've told me nothing about yourself.

HURLEY: We've all got personal stuff, dude.

HURLEY: I think the plane crash might have been my fault.

...

CHARLIE: Hurley, bad things happen, planes crash, people die.

HURLEY: Dude, you didn't let me finish.

...

CHARLIE: I just told you the biggest secret of my life. I thought you'd want to reciprocate.

HURLEY: Okay. Back home I'm worth 156 million dollars.

CHARLIE: Fine. Don't tell me.

HURLEY: Dude.

[The scene switches to Sayid melting 2 pairs of glasses apart and then putting the 2 different lenses together to make one pair for Sawyer.]

[Shot of a blurry sheet of paper that says: better or worse? Glasses come up and the image sharpens.]

SAWYER: Har, har, very funny.

HURLEY [walking by]: Dude, it looks like someone steam rolled Harry Potter.

[Sun rips the transfusion tube out of Jack's arm.]

JACK: What are you doing?

SUN: You've given him enough.

JACK [walking out of the tent]: Hurley.

HURLEY: Whoa, dude. You alright, man? You're looking kind of goth.

[We see Charlie walking the beach with a crying baby.]

CHARLIE: The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout, down came the rain and drowned the spider out...

HURLEY: Dude, it's washed -- washed the spider out. Unless it's some kind of British version?

CHARLIE: Oh, okay. Down came the rain and washed the spider -- oh, bollocks, shhhh, shhh, shhh.

HURLEY :What's the matter, man?

CHARLIE: Well, I can't get the bloody thing to stop crying.

...

HURLEY: Alright, it's time to break out the big guns. [Hurley starts singing I Got You (I Feel Good) but the baby keeps crying] Dude, that's all I got.

DANIELLE: You have a bigger problem. I can vanish into the jungle, but I'm just one person. You have 40 people. Where will you hide them?

[We see Danielle, Jack, Hurley, Locke and Sayid at the hatch.]

HURLEY: Dude. Whoa.

CHARLIE [to a Redshirt who puts a message in the bottle]: Thanks, man, I'll keep it safe. Hey, Locke, do you have a message? It's going on the raft. You know: Dear mom, Everything's fine. I'm on the island, unless, of course, the black smoke people turn up. Love, your name here. For when they get rescued -- they can contact your family.

LOCKE: Message in a bottle. That's sweet. [Locke pats Charlie's shoulder and walks away.]

CHARLIE [approaching Hurley]: You ready?

HURLEY: Here you go. Don't look at it. [Charlie looks at it] Dude! Do not look at it.

...

[Jack enters. Michael runs into Hurley as he's leaving the scene.]

MICHAEL: Careful.

HURLEY: Good luck, dude. [to Walt in the background] Keep dry, kiddo.

[We hear the sounds of the monster and see Arzt running around. Danielle runs into a bamboo stand.]

DANIELLE [motioning to Kate and Jack]: Here, in here.

HURLEY: Dude, we've got to book.

LOCKE: Wait. It's headed the other way.

...

[Hurley and Locke meet up with Danielle, Jack and Kate.]

HURLEY: Uh, where's Arnzt?

ARZT [entering]: It's Arzt, you idiot.

HURLEY: Dude, I thought you were dead.

ARZT: And it's not just the teenagers, either. You know, the gym teachers -- you think they let me sit with them in the cafeteria? No. They do not.

HURLEY: Dude, this is all in your head.

[The dynamite explodes and bits and pieces of Arzt and leaves rain down on the others who've fallen.]

HURLEY: Dude.

[We see Jack, Kate, Locke and Hurley walking through the jungle.]

HURLEY: So, dude? What do you think is inside of that hatch thing?

LOCKE: What do you think is inside it?

HURLEY: Stacks of TV dinners from the 50's, or something. And TVs, and cable, some cell phones, clean socks, soap, Twinkies -- you know, for dessert, after the TV dinners. Twinkies keep for, like, 8000 years, man.

[Hurley runs through the airport, excusing himself along the way. He runs to the front of the security checkpoint line.]

HURLEY: Excuse me, sorry. Sorry, this is an emergency. I've got to cut through. Excuse me, dude. Dude?

SECURITY AGENT: Back of the line.